Confessions
Is confessing something to someone a good idea, or a bad idea?
I'm not speaking of the Catholic confession (I'm not Catholic, and to be honest, I'm not really sure how that goes), I mean if you do something that perhaps you shouldn't have done, should you tell the person who it goes against?
Or, if you are having thoughts or feelings about someone, should you confess those to that person?
I'm a great believer in weighing up the pros and cons of each idea and how it will effect the person you are confessing to before you reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. But having said that, am I hiding the truth from someone because I don't like the consequences for ME?
I have no secrets from my husband (whom I love dearly, and quite frankly, I don't see any other person the same way that I see him), but a friend came to me today to confess their feelings for me. I'm not sure how I feel about it - I'm pretty upset, because they are married, and marriage is pretty much sacred to me. I would never do anything to hurt either my DB or our relationship, but this person has (in my opinion). Am I wrong? Should I tell my husband what was confessed to me (and hurt their relationship), or should I just be quiet and pretend it didn't happen?
I really wish I didn't know what was told to me today - I didn't want it to change things between us, but it kinda has to. I felt guilty about hurting this person's feelings, but I know I shouldn't. Hurting my husband's feelings would actually hurt me. I don't feel the same way as my friend does, and even if I did, I would never go out and tell them. I would just wait and hope it went away.
The other possibility, of course, is that I am completely over-analysing this tempest in a teacup, and I should let sleeping dogs lie. At least that way, nothing gets snarly and bites me on the bot-bot.
7 Comments:
Wow. This is a tough one. I guess it depends on how close a friend the 'friend' is. And whether this is a friend of yours or your husband's. If they didn't act on their feelings but voiced them, you might want to let it ride for now. But no, you aren't over-analyzing this very confusing and upsetting situation. My best, most positive thoughts go out to you. Listen to your heart, and you'll know what to do.
By bionic4ever, May 29 06 11:35 PM
My God! What an awful situation to be put in. I'd be frantically trying to wish it away, I cannot deal with confrontation at all. Maybe you could test the waters with DB by saying you had a weird dream in which *Bob* confessed his undying love for you, and see where it goes..? And then take it from there.
Godd luck Love..
Kells x
By kells40, May 29 06 11:54 PM
Actually confessing isn't bad. It's just a way of letting out how you feel. It's one way of being honest.
The man who confessed his feelings about you maybe really liked you and he just wanted to tell you his feelings. There's nothing really wrong with that on your side. He just wanted to be true to himself, and maybe for him, he just wanted to let it out.
For you, Come to think of it, isn't it flattering? =)
No, seriously, in my opinion and since you said, you love your DB very much, why don't you tell him everything.
In a relationship, there must be honesty. and I'm pretty sure, he'll understand you, and at least you are being honest to your partner. you just got to assured him that he's still the love of your life, no matter what.
I wish you a peaceful life as always, and so is the man who confessed his feelings to you.
And I do hope everything will soon be fine.
God Bless.
By glamel, May 30 06 12:12 AM
Hello ecnalubma.. you really are in a pickle now that your friend has given you food for thought.
I once had a female friend tell me that she was attracted to me (I am female too) and it freaked me out a little bit to say the least. The friendship we used to have has reverted to more of an aquaintanceship as I cannot trust her motives anymore.
You're right that it has changed your relationship with this friend and you can never go back. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am thinking of you.
By Hazardus01, May 30 06 12:14 AM
I wouldn't bring it up. But make it clear to the friend who has professed his admiration towards you that nothing could ever come of it. If he persists, tell your husband. However...take into consideration: What will your husband say if he finds out (from another party)? Would he be upset that you hadn't told him what happened? I believe this is what they call a catch-22. Best of luck to you.
By Downscope, May 30 06 8:11 AM
Overwhelming responses, but you do all seem to have a similar piece of advice.
I don't see it doing any harm to say nothing to the DB, PROVIDED nothing more is said on the issue by the third party. If the issue continues, or gets pushed, I will have no choice. My DB is in a situation whereby he works closely with other women, and I'm sure he may at some point have been told or made feel something similar. I don't know, he hasn't told me. I will assume from that, that nothing has happened, and it's no big deal.
I trust the other party implicitly - he really is a nice guy, but this outburst kinda shocked me. That having been said, it has surprised me my whole life if someone ever said they liked me or that I was pretty. I don't think his motives are bad or malintended - perhaps he just needed to get something off his chest. Which is fine - I have people unburden onto me on an almost daily basis. It's just not usually someone I am so close too (in a manner of speaking).
I will let the sleeping dog lie for now, however, should he rear his head again, I will muzzle him for sure!
By ecnalubma, May 30 06 3:10 PM
I would keep it in a drawer for myself if I were you.
Plus, it would change things for you with your husband.
By Bruyere, May 30 06 6:50 PM