Tonight was the annual "Eurovision – Making Your Mind Up!" special. And oh, it was a right pearler. Terry Wogan, Fearn Cotton, and some of the more interesting idiots our fine nation has to offer. Please, take this brief run-down off my hands. The artists and their descriptions are in reverse order based on how well they did. Oh yes.
In 6th place: Brian Harvey – Ex East-17 and still Klingon Harvey sang a heartfelt ballad. Sadly, his forehead and inability to hold a tune took marks off. He came in last, but there is a plus side. I hear he’s huge in Europe.
In 5th place: Liz McLarnon – The former pop tartlet from Atomic Kitten, Liz’s song was actually quite good. Possibly a bit too good, you might say. It was chirpy, it was catchy, and you know what, it was professional – not really up to Eurovision standards at all. And she was dressed like Sandy Shaw. Boom bang-a-bang.
In joint 3rd place: Big Bruvas and Hawkins & Browne - Big Bruvas were quite good. Actually, they were very good. A pair of great… voices on the women, the blokes fell in and out of a little rap affair. It would have rivalled Lordi. Hawkins & Browne were an "Ike and Tina Turner, You kan Tina Turner" type act which, by all accounts, should have won it. Great song, cheesy choreography. Good laugh.
In 2nd place: Cyndi – We thought she would come last. She was a French lass living and working in South Wales singing a song in English. The ballad was much bigger than the voice she had to sing it with, but she was nice to look at. Quite a good little number, really, when she finally decided to belt it out. She could have, should have, and almost did win (thanks to a slip up by Wogey), but the winners were…
Scooch.
Scooch where hailed as the answer to Steps. Then, they faded into obscurity for a while. Good stuff, I thought. But they were back tonight, dressed as air hostesses, singing a song called "Flying The flag" – it was cheesy, needlessly patriotic, and mentioned at least 4 European capital cities, all of which were mispronounced. But the thing was – it was poppy, it was very, very catchy, and it made me smile. Not for the song, but for the double entendres. The emphasised words here are in bold.
"Your exits are here, here, and here. To fasten the seatbelt, insert the clip firmly. The inflate your life jacket, slip it over your head, pull sharply on the red tag, and blow into the mouthpiece."
Followed of course by the camp one saying: "Something to suck on when we land, Sir?" and holding up a boiled sweet. And don’t even get me started on the salted nut comments. Shockingly amusing choreography, too...
Some Interesting Eurovision Pointers for 2007.
(o) Slovenia are entering a brilliant looking Opera singer. She should win by all accounts.
(o) I will be supporting Malta. This year’s Maltese entry Olivia failed to represent Malta 10 times up til now.
(o) Hungary are taking part again. And it's still in Hungarian. Malta learned years ago. Maybe it'll be 37th time lucky.
(o) Sweden will be ripping off T-Rex, while the entry for Denmark is a convincing transvestite singing a camp classic. Ukraine are also entering a transvestite. But theirs looks like Timmy Mallett.
Enjoy.
Flynn Oot!
